hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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