I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
