WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
