I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
