the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
