Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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