wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
