I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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