The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
