Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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