No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
