I'm eating all of the evidence.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
