Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
