his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
