people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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