I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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