Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's shark week go big or go home
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
