I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
