Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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