well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize