Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize