I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
