Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Acid is not a monday night drug
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
