I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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