even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
