I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize