I think I just saw someone hide a body.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
