apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
