living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
