How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
