Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
