This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
