Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
