I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
