is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
