she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The beer is more important than you right now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
