I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
