You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
