The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
