So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
