The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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