$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
