He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize