No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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