The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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