If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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