By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
