College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
