Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize