Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
