Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
