in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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