she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
