I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
ttyl tear gas
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
