apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
