I'm eating all of the evidence.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
