I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
