Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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