she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize