i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
