About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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