when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
