Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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