we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
