she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
