he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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