You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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