Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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