my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
