I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize