I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize
