So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
