Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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