i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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