Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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