You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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