I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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