It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
