Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize