If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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