you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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