eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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